WEBVTT
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[Peg] You lookin' for Mom?
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[Meg] You must be Mister Jonathan.
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Right on both counts.
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Eh, Mrs. Simpson is your mother?
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Wow!
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Oh, let me!
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Is your name Mister Jonathan Something...?
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Or Mister Something Jonathan?
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Hey, gimme that.
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I make my living with that.
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[Peg] I just bet you do.
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Tools of the Trade.
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Handle with Care.
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[Peg] Right this way, sir.
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After you...
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[I think we're getting the idea here...]
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Hey, where's your mother?
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[Peg] She'll be out soon enough.
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[Meg] Too soon.
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It's a nice place you guys got here.
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[Peg] It's okay.
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Let's see: Which Daddy got this for us?
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Well, was it the fourth?
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No, I think it was Daddy Number Five.
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[Jonathan chuckles]
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Well, you're kinda pushy little chicks, you know that?
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[Meg] Hey, just cool it.
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Hey, when did you say your mother was coming?
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Eh, don't worry about it, she'll be ready.
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- [Peg] C'mon, sit down.
- [Meg] Yeah, come onnnn...
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Okay.
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Now what?
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[Peg] So, uh...
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Mister Jonathan...
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So is it true that you're the Best in the West?
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We shared a guy once.
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Twice.
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Where do you guys come up with this kinda stuff, huh?
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No, Mister Jonathan!
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The question is:
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When do YOU come up?
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[Subtle, that one.]
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[Funky music swells as the girls lose their tops]
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[Jonathan] Awww, come on...
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[Peg] That's right: Come on!
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[Jonathan, resigned] Here we go...
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[The girls giggle happily]
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[Let's have a close-up of that pool cleaner!]
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[That's what we want to see right now!]
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[I see Mom's been hanging out inside...]
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[While the girls hang out with Mister Jonathan.]
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[He seems pretty nonchalant about all this...]
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[Constant giggling]
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[Door opens]
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[Door closes]
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- Whorish brats!
- [Splash!]
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[Peg] Mister Jonathan, she can't swim!
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Yeah, come on in, Mom, we'll help ya!
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Yeah, we'll help ya, you old bag!
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We'll help you swim right to the bottom!
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Hey, lady, exactly what kind of
funny farm are you running here?
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[Mrs. Simpson] Funny farm?
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Just who do you think you are?
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I ought to call the police.
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Oh, naw, naw, lady, you got it all wrong, it's--
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I know. Don't say it.
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- They attacked you, right?
- [Peg] Yeah, we attacked him.
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As a matter of fact, they did.
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You know, they came at me like a pair of sharks, and--
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[The Meg] Like sharks!
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Somebody oughta teach those girls
some manners, you know that?
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[Girls sing "neener neener"]
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I guess it's not your fault.
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[Mrs. Simpson] They've done that sort of thing before.
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- It's time those two learned a lesson.
- [Girls] Yeah!
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- [Girls] Teach us a lesson!
- Maybe I'd better go now, bye!
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I think I'll teach 'em a lesson.
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[Meg] Oh, Mama!
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[Jonathan] Oh, God...Jesus...
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[Tonelessly] Please, God?
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[Mrs. Simpson] Now, isn't this better than most kids?
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[DON'T ANSWER THAT!]
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Mama's still King of the Hill.
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[Mrs. Simpson] And this way they can see just who's boss.
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- [Peg] Show us, Mama, show us!
- [Jonathan] Oh, God...
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[Jonathan] I-I just came here to do your hair...
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So...
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Aww, God...