Godzilla vs. Biollante (1989)
Godzilla 1990
Godzilla Contra-Ataca
Godzilla, der Urgigant
Gojira vs. Biorante

Nomination Year: 2010
SYNOPSIS:  At the end of Godzilla 1985, a team of commandos collects cells from Godzilla's scales. What's their evil plan for the Godzilla cells? Who cares! They're immediately gunned down by a Saudi intelligence agent, who takes the Godzilla cells back home, where an expatriate Japanese scientist will use them to make super wheat which will grow in the desert and end the Americans' monopoly on grain exports. But an attack by the Americans destroys the lab and kills the scientist's daughter. He returns to Japan where he spends years working to combine the Godzilla cells with DNA from a rose and from his dead daughter, in the hopes of bringing her back from the dead. Instead, it creates a giant rubber monster which, somewhat surprisingly, does not run amok and terrorize Japan.

Meanwhile, in a completely different movie, a group of psychic teenage girls foresees Godzilla's return. Japan mobilizes its defenses and launches the Super-X2, a flying battleship designed specifically to fight Godzilla. Godzilla is sighted off the coast and the Super-X2, supported by the entire Japanese navy, attacks, hoping to stop Godzilla before he reaches the coast. They fail and the Super-X2 is severely damaged and knocked out of action. Godzilla's track is projected and coastal areas are evacuated. The Japanese army moves into position. The psychic teenage girls are flown around in helicoptors and continually threaten to do something useful and justify their presence in this movie. They fail.

Meanwhile, in a third movie, a group of terrorists is trying to steal the Godzilla cells. They briefly encounter the first movie, when they try to steal the Godzilla cells from the scientist's laboratory, but can't find them. They then travel around Japan searching for the cells, pursued by a reporter who is trying to stop them.

Back in movie two, Godzilla comes ashore and attacks a coastal city. One of the psychic teenagers almost engages him, but has transportation issues and can't make it. The Japanese army attacks without the Super-X2 (which is still undergoing repairs), and does about as well as the navy did with it. Godzilla rampages through the abandoned city, then wanders off into the countryside. The psychic teenager escapes from the oil rig she was trapped on. The terrorists from the third movie arrive and search an abandoned lab for the Godzilla cells. They don't find them. The scientist from the first movie releases Biollante, in the hopes that she can drive off Godzilla. Some other scientists come up with a plan to infect Godzilla with radiation-eating bacteria and then microwave him. The terrorists give up looking for the Godzilla cells themselves and go on TV to announce that unless the government turns over the Godzilla cells to them, they'll nuke Tokyo. The reporter and some cops find their hideout and fight them. The government scientists try their microwave bacteria plan. It fails. Biollante shows up and fights Godzilla. He kills her. Fortunately, by this point, even Godzilla has lost track of what the hell is going on, so he gives up and wanders out to sea. After spending another ten minutes or so trying to tie up about half of the remaining loose ends, so does the movie.

Most Ludicrous Premise

A Gluten For Punishment
The scientist explains to his Saudi backers how he is going to use Godzilla cells to create super wheat and piss off the Americans.

Oblivious

The True Reason Godzilla Goes Barefoot
A highly-trained commando stands in a skyscraper, facing away from the broken window. Godzilla sneaks up behind him.

Smithee Award Winner! Worst Science

"Nuking" Godzilla
They're going to use high frequency waves to generate clouds and heat to overheat Godzilla and cause the radiation-eating bacteria they infected him with to grow faster.

Smithee Award Winner! Inane Dialogue

Spotting Godzilla =/= Stopping Godzilla
He looks out the windows. It's Godzilla. He turns away, and says, "It's Godzilla." No shit.

Worst Picture

Round Three: Fight!
The End? No! The Saudi intelligence agent shows up and shoots the scientist. There's a car chase. The hero fights the Saudi agent, who would have killed him if he (the agent) hadn't slipped in the mud at an inopportune time (DEM!). The agent is defeated. The end? No! Godzilla rises up out of the sea but (for no reason!) decides to wander out to sea instead of attacking Japan again. More platitudes are spouted. The end? No!

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Toshiyuki Nagashima  
Katsuhiko Sasaki  
Hirohisa Nakata  
Kenpachiro Satsuma the man in the suit ("Godzilla" itself from Godzilla 1985 onward) 
Director Claim to Fame
Kazuki Omori also wrote Godzilla vs. Biollante 

Greg Pearson

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© 2011-2014 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.