Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove  (2005)
[+]
(Foreign Titles)
Nomination Year: 2015
SYNOPSIS: Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove concerns a (demon? ghost?) distinctly (un)dead pirate named Jolly Roger, a town called Cutter's Cove, sixteen heads, and a dead man's chest. What more do you need than that?

Decent acting would be nice. It's not every movie that gives a solid Worst Acting performance at the three minute mark. At least we have something to cheer about when the demon pirate lops the actor's head off in a cheesy SFX display a mere ten minutes later.

The cheese continues throughout the film, as an eye is poked out with a marshmallow on a stick, a stripper is decapitated mid-pole, and the CGI blood flows.

Eventually, the two survivors from the first scene track down the true secret of the town of Cutter's Cove -- it was founded by the sixteen sailors that betrayed Jolly Roger the pirate ("Like, The Meanest Pirate, Ever"). And the demon ghost of Jolly Roger is hunting down descendants (one per sailor), decapitating them, and storing their heads in his Dead Man's Chest.

When he has all sixteen of them, then he will return to Hell along with the spirits he has taken. That's it. He's a self-exorcising demon pirate. And even though the only person still on his list is the annoying mayor of Cutter's Cove (the other Worst Acting nominee), the two kids and the police chief still feel the necessity of trying to stop Jolly Roger.

The kids warn the mayor, and the chief steals JR's chest. Wait a minute. Isn't some horrible fate supposed to befall a person who steals a pirate's chest?

Actually, it's irrelevant. No fate worse than this film could befall any of the actors involved, unless ... I wonder if Matt Jaissle is hiring.
Kevin Hogan
Smithee Award Nominations
Worst Special Effect
=> SFX 1 -> head comes off
Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!
Best One-Liner
Finally he gets some booty.
What happens when the ghost pirate shows up at a strip club? Well, in addition to the usual pole dance -- he gets a lap dance. "Is that a musket in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" she says. "Aye, it's a musket," is the pirate's response.
Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!
Directors
Director Claim to Fame
Gary Jones Put in his time as FX supervisor, 2nd unit director, make-up, etc. Then this. 
Cast
Actor Character Claim to Fame
Rhett Giles <Not Yet in Database> one of The Asylum's go-to guys 
Tom Nagel <Not Yet in Database>  
Thomas Downey <Not Yet in Database> Shows up in many a Bad movie, like Sorority Party Massacre, Evil Takes Root, and Transmorphers
Kim Little <Not Yet in Database>  
Pamela Munro <Not Yet in Database>  
Justin Brannock <Not Yet in Database>  
Amanda Barton <Not Yet in Database>  
To the Film Gallery   Return to Lobby
[Smithee Film Gallery]   [Return to Lobby]
© 1992-2024 Bryan D. Cassidy and Greg Pearson. All Rights Reserved.