Polymorph (1996)
Nomination Year: 2016
SYNOPSIS: If there was any justice in the world, I would able to change or otherwise
alter Polymorph into a
movie better worth watching. Alas, no justice. Just us.
A mysterious asteroid lands in a bog. A college professor notices, and calls up some students to join him on an expedition to seek it out. They invite their girlfriends along because it involves (a) the woods, and (b) camping.
Meanwhile, a nearby drug dealer is paranoid about this activity in her woods -- primarily because she's sampling the merchandise. She calls up her contacts, and moves up the timetable.
Drug dealers, college students, and killer alien energy gooze (gooze = goop + ooze) all intersect in the woods with predictable results.
The FX is crummy. Some of the acting is crummy. The movie's high point is when a character opines that they can't go to the cops because "This thing has all the believability of a Mentos commercial."
Yes, that's the high point. And from there it descends precipitously to a soul-destroying ending.
I may not have mastered such D&D spells as "Polymorph Other" or "Sticks to Snakes," but the director has pretty clearly mastered "Cash to Crap."
A mysterious asteroid lands in a bog. A college professor notices, and calls up some students to join him on an expedition to seek it out. They invite their girlfriends along because it involves (a) the woods, and (b) camping.
Meanwhile, a nearby drug dealer is paranoid about this activity in her woods -- primarily because she's sampling the merchandise. She calls up her contacts, and moves up the timetable.
Drug dealers, college students, and killer alien energy gooze (gooze = goop + ooze) all intersect in the woods with predictable results.
The FX is crummy. Some of the acting is crummy. The movie's high point is when a character opines that they can't go to the cops because "This thing has all the believability of a Mentos commercial."
Yes, that's the high point. And from there it descends precipitously to a soul-destroying ending.
I may not have mastered such D&D spells as "Polymorph Other" or "Sticks to Snakes," but the director has pretty clearly mastered "Cash to Crap."
Kevin Hogan
J.R. Bookwalter
