The Planet (2006)

Nomination Year: 2011
SYNOPSIS:  Apparently, in the year 2000 writer/director Mark Stirton watched Pitch Black and thought, "hey, I could make a movie just like that but way, way, way crappier." And he did!

A group of mercenaries led by steroid-infused Captain Morgan is transporting a convict between planets, when they are attacked by a swarm of unidentified fighters. Their ship is destroyed, and the survivors board lifepods, which crash land on a desert world (uh uh, this never goes well). Unfortunately, there is a traitor on the crew who also puts the prisoner in one of the lifepods.

Like all sci fi movies set in the desert, what follows is lots of scenes of people walking silently through the desert. This is punctuated by occasional fights with the local lifeforms, who have all evolved the budget-saving defense mechanism of being invisible. Meanwhile, a couple of the unluckier crewmen have run-ins with the escaped prisoner, who turns out to be Satan. When the traitor is finally outed, he maniacally explains -- apparently, the whole thing was a setup. A doomsday cult wants to end the universe by unleashing Satan on this particular world, which possesses certain unique characteristics that allow Satan to end the world from it. The prisoner transfer was actually contracted by the cult to get Satan into the general vicinity, where the cult's fighters could attack the transport, forcing Satan to crash-land on the planet.

Of course, Captain Morgan can't allow this -- if the universe ends, where will he get his steroids? So, he and a few of the other surviving crewmen go wandering through the desert, occasionally fighting invisible aliens, and looking for Satan. Eventually, they find him, and Captain Steroid has a knock-down drag-out fight with him, which he might or might not have won. Meanwhile, the remaining castaways successfully launch one of their number into space, where he may or may not be able to get help. Then the planet explodes. But at that point you're just glad that nobody can wander through the desert anymore.

Oddly, the IMDB Also Recommended Movies for The Planet include both the original Star Wars and Leprechaun 4: In Space.

Worst Acting

Mike Mitchell as Captain Morgan.
Captain Steroid (Mike Mitchell) tries to find out what's wrong with Leyton. Isn't his concern for his men touching? Tell me what's wrong, or I'll kick your *&#^#& ass, damn it!

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Mike Mitchell yells a lot 
Director Claim to Fame
Mark Stirton writes the movies that he directs 

Greg Pearson

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© 2011-2014 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.