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10 Violent Women  (1982)
Ten Violent Women
Women's Penitentiary I
Tagline(s):Too Hot To Handle -
Too Cunning To Catch -
No Prison Could Hold Them!
 They Take What They Want
 Too Hot To Handle!!!
No Man... No Prison Could Hold Them!
 Itching for Action!
Nomination Year: 2016
SYNOPSIS: On the tenth day of Smitheemas, my bad film gave to me:

10 violent women,
9 babies birthing,
8 nations bick'ring,
7 silly swordsmen,
6 brothers biking,
Deeeeeeeevil times Fiiiiiiiiive,
4 mobsters' scheme,
3 retro futures,
2 naughty mittens,
and a tie of a brain-searing hue.

10 Violent Women was the movie that made me say "We should do a '12 Days of Smithee'," but sadly, this is the most interesting thing that I have to say about this film.

Eight women are mining together for gold when a (male) demolitions expert screws up a charge, and nearly kills them. They decide that it's time to give up the gold mining for good, and instead make money with class.

Got that? Eight classy ex-miner women.

Making money with class seems to be a euphemism for robbing a jewelry store. Following a squirt-gun shoot-out at a duck pond, they run off to Vegas with the jewels, and set up a meeting with a fence (played by the film's director). The fence is being pressured by a drug cartel to push cocaine, so he offers to trade the women cocaine for their jewelry.

They are not amused, and they beat the fence to death, Sheila killing him with a high heel to the heart. Gratuitous wish fulfillment ... beating this film's director to the death ... mmmm ....

Sheila takes the cocaine on her way out the door. One of their number was shot by the fence as he was dying, and two others take her away to seek medical attention.

Five remaining women.

They bury the jewels (which belonged to Arab Royalty), except for a Scarab Ring. They go to a nightclub, where Sheila gets wasted and tries to sell the cocaine to undercover cops. Then Sheila freaks out and pulls a gun, so they shoot her.

The Scarab Ring is quickly stashed away, and the undercover cops arrest the remaining four women. For having lousy taste in friends, I suppose.

We're halfway through the movie, and finally the four accomplice women show up in prison. The woman who runs the section is a sadistic lesbian, so there's the usual stuff, but oddly toned-down. Shower scenes where the women are showering while wearing underwear, for example. It's as though the director thought just the idea of a sadistic lesbian prison matron was titillating enough, and the audience might expire of overstimulation if she actually did anything.

The worst part about the prison scenes is how very unconvincing and uncreative the punishments are. Mop the floor with a scrub brush. Spend some time in solitary confinement.

By this point, we were actively fantasizing about horrible things happening to everyone involved in the film -- hanging them by their toes to be be gummed to death by ten thousand tiny tree frogs, sandpapering them and dropping them into vaults of pickles, etc. There are beatings, but they never leave marks or any other indication in the plot that they've happened. The only serious prison casualty is the pacing, which is whipped to a pulp, and left to limp along the floor for the majority of the running time.

In the end, our four women team up with two others (for a grand total of ten, I guess), and escape. Then the Arabs show up, looking for their Scarab Ring. Will we see death, explosions, or gratuitous nudity? Or suspense? Or action of any sort at all? Why would the movie start with such things now? This movie's idea of excitement is an all-night hotel-room poker game between two of the women.

We do get to see a boat. Skip to the last five minutes of the movie or so, and there it is.

Kevin Hogan
Smithee Award Nominations
Smithee Award Winner! Worst Cover Copy
It Ain't the Action, Honey, It's the Chlamydia
"Itching for Action!"

Driven to fury by their slimy abusive boss, a group of foxy female gold miners ditch their picks and go for the gold the easy way - by stealing it! They snatch a million dollars in gems from a jewelry store, then pay a quick visit to Leo the Fence (played with macho brio by flamboyant director, Ted V. Mikels). When Leo tries to give them bags of heroin instead of cash for their booty, they drive a spiked heel into his heart and ride off with the jewels AND the drugs. Desperate to unload their contraband, they deal the dope to undercover narcs and get busted. Sent to prison, they fall under the sadistic thumb of a female warden with a taste for elater whips and submissive girls. After a few weeks of this depraved debasement, the girls plot their escape!

Cat fights and cold showers give the hardcore crew of 10 Violent Women plenty of chances to show off their "talents." This infamous late-70s "Women-in-prison" film was directed by Ted V. Mikels, the legendary creator of The Astro-Zombies (1967), The Corpse Grinders (1971), and Blood Orgy of the She-Devils (1974).

Note that the cover is a painting, and "talents" is in quotes.

Worst Acting
Hysterical...and Hysterical!
This poor jeweler (played by Frank Walshe) just got robbed, but things are a bit confused. Even though he's got the build and temperment of Felix Unger, he beats up on a cop (well, sissy-slaps him), then gets down on his knees when his turbaned client arrives.
Directors
Director Claim to Fame
Ted V. Mikels Apparently lived the exploitative director's lifestyle. And, apparently, still making films. 
Cast
Actor Character Claim to Fame
Sherri Vernon Sam Four acting credits: The Corpse Grinders, Blood Orgy of the She-Devils, The Doll Squad, and 10 Violent Women. A list that speaks for itself. 
Dixie Lauren Maggie  
Sally Alice Gamble Sheila  
Melodie Bell Jill  
Georgia Morgan Bri Terry  
Jane Farnsworth Madge  
Christina de Cattani Liz  
Paula Ian Beth  
Sherry Hardin Joanie  
Kelly Lancaster Carol  
Anne Gaybis Vickie Mainly played background (uncredited) eye candy in the '70s - '90s. 
Ted V. Mikels Leo the Fence Was said to live the exploitation- director lifestyle. He appeared onscreen in many of his movies. 
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