Rise of the Damned
Wyvern - Rise of the Dragon
Nomination Year: 2013
SYNOPSIS: Do you remember the TV show Northern Exposure? Did you hate it? Did you think it was annoying and pretentious? When you watched it, did you think, "You know what would make this show better? If everybody got eaten by wyverns."
Then have I got a movie for you!
Beaver Mills is a small, remote Alaskan town populated by an assortment of quirky characters, several of whom are played by actors who weren't regulars on Northern Exposure. There's a the survivalist, the redneck (Northern Exposure's Barry Corbin), the plucky waitress, the crazy old woman, the hot D.J., the dumb guy, the sheriff, the sheriff's lazy deputy (Northern Exposure's Elaine Miles), and the smug and full-of-himself New York doctor. The doc's not the new guy, though; that would be Jake, an Ice Road Trucker recovering from injuries sustained in the accident that killed his brother and for which he feels responsible (primarily because he is).
Dr. Jerkwad's got a thing for the waitress, but she thinks he's a big jerk (which he is) and only has eyes for Jake. This sets up a classic love triangle, which is resolved surprisingly quickly when the doctor gets eaten by a wyvern.
After discovering missing cattle, reports of "monsters" in the woods, and various severed doctor limbs around town, the townsfolk consider canceling their annual Solstice Festival, which they traditionally hold to celebrate the end of 24-hour daylight (yeah) with an afternoon of food and fun. They decide against it, though, since the Solstice Festival is the only thing that keeps people from going crazy due to the endless daylight (yeah). And, besides, no wild animal would attack a group that big (yeah). And, indeed, the Festival does provide an afternoon of food and fun -- for the wyvern.
While the quirkier of the Solstice Festival survivors hole up in the diner to discuss, "OMG, wyvern!", the less quirky of the inhabitants hop in their cars and get the heck out of town. Unfortunately for them, the wyvern has set up a checkpoint on the main road; so, rather than a viable escape plan, this turns into more of a meals-on-wheels type of thing.
Meanwhile, back at the diner, the quirky ones come up with an assortment of plans -- shoot it, electrocute it, flee, call for help -- none of which are terribly successful (for the humans, anyway; several of them work out quite well for the wyvern). But then, once the Northern Exposure alums are all safely eaten by wyverns, the surviving quirksters come up with a plan so dangerous, so audacious, so mind-numbingly idiotic, it can only be attempted by an Ice Road Trucker.
- Most Ludicrous Premise
Ancient Beast, Modern Problem
The wyvern is an ancient beast that was imprisoned under the arctic ice as punishment for attacking the Norse gods. But now global warming has released it.
"What are you guys looking at?"
"What are you guys looking at?" And why are you all running away screaming?
- Deus Ex Machina
"That was close, huh?"
"That was close, huh?"
[Smithee Film Gallery] [Return to Lobby]
© 2011-2019 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.