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The Alchemist (1985)

Nomination Year: 1992
SYNOPSIS:  A young woman is mysteriously compelled to drive to a secluded cabin in the woods, much to the fright and annoyance of the hitchhiker she's traveling with. In the cabin, a strange werewolf-like man tells her the secret of her past life, and how it relates to the Portal of Time in the nearby forest.

"Alas, Poor Yorick"

The Glass Slipper
This clip has the honor of being one of the ones that helped most to inspire the Smithees.
In the beginning of the film, we see a little background on the immortal beast-man. He lives in the cabin with his aged daughter. One night, during one of his "fits," he trashes the place and breaks a bunch of glassware. The old woman, not wanting to be caught by the rampaging man-creature, prudently tries to tip-toe out the door behind him. Does she get mauled by the one she loves? Does she poignantly die of exposure oustide, forced from her home in the dead of night? Nope. On her way past the fireplace, she slips on some glass and falls full-force onto a conveniently-situated poker, which skewers her.
They do say that most accidents occur around the home. Could've happened to anyone, I suppose.

Worst Cover Copy

Creating Cheesy Covers Is Easy...
The cheesiest thing about this cover is the front, on which is a large drawing of a hand holding a test tube. Inside, is a naked woman, with wisps of steam covering the important parts. The tagline says "Creating monsters is easy...the problem is getting rid of them." I don't know which movie these people saw, but not only did it not have any beautiful women taking off their clothes, but it didn't have much to do with monsters or zombies either, as the plot description indicates.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Lucinda Dooling  
Robert Ginty One of the "Black Sheep Squadron" 
John Sanderford  
Director Claim to Fame
Charles Band Produced nearly every crappy thing that Roger Corman didn't, and directed quite a bit of it 

Bryan Cassidy

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