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Iron Warrior  (1987)
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Ator the Iron Warrior
Tagline(s):Born of a sorceress... sired by a dragon... baptized in blood!
 Who will rid the world of Trogar? Born of evil sorcery. Half man - Half spirit. Total exterminator.
 The Fighting Eagle is back ... and BOY is he PISSED!
Nomination Year: 2024
SYNOPSIS: 

The last of the Miles O'Keefe Ator films, in the Smithees at last! It did not disappoint, which is to say: It did.

From the opening credits and incidental music throughout, which is a clear rip-off of "Star Trek: The Next Generation," to the obvious Superman II trial scene rip-off, to the literal Conan and Red Sonja rip-off swords, to the lieutenant baddie being a blatant fantasy rip-off of Darth Vader, to the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom rip-off bridge scene, through the absolutely unconsionable Raiders rolling boulder trap rip-off... One could say this film was a total rip-off. Especially to those who paid for tickets.

Phoedra is an evil baddie witch being put on trial by a council of (I guess) good witches. She stole a kid, Ator's brother Trogar, so she could turn him evil. (Why didn't she take both? The movie later explains Phoedra couldn't, because she had to "maintain the balance between good and evil"--lame). Phoedra is sentenced to 18 years of imprisonment and the permanent inability to kill anyone directly. This, we will find, left a lot of loopholes.

The 18 years pass, and beautiful Princess Janna (of The One Red Eyebrow) lives with her father in a happy kingdom...until it all goes to crap in one day, thanks to Malefic--sorry, Phoedra. The king is killed and Janna goes on the run. She runs into Ator, who protects her as the prophecies foretold.

What happens then is a series of lame-ish set pieces full of trickery, pointless fights, captures, traps, mcguffins, and the usual swords-and-sorcery claptrap. Ator finally confronts his brother who cannot be defeated...until he can, and eventually confronts Phoedra who cannot be killed...until she can.

This is definitely one of those choice Smithee films with that Scream Factor (i.e., you screaming at the screen "OH, COME ON!").

Bryan Cassidy
Smithee Award Nominations
"Cutting Butter With A Chainsaw"
Burning Witchfall and The Power of a Woman in Love
Phoedra can't be killed, even with repeated stabbings! So, Ator (looking VERY much like Christian Bale's Patrick Bateman) burns her. Oh, she didn't think of that! Her face melts and she plummets to her death. The princess was last seen hanging from the cliff and you totally think she's gone...but no! There she is tied up on a rock (???)! They hug. The other witches pontificate on the power of love. What? Dunno. THE END.
Yes, a long clip that may have to be trimmed, although as Crummiest Ending, it might not be unprecedentedly long.
Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!
Inane Dialogue
"Then I'd Be Dead"
Laugh out loud. "What if they kill you?" "Then I'd be dead."
Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!
"Whoops!"
What the Truck??
Ator is about to free Janna from an altar, when--CLANG! Trogar appears. In their first epic clash, they--oh, wait, as the camera pans left, we see the entire production company's modern vehicles very clearly in the background: Trucks, cars, even what looks like the craft services tent. Whups.
Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!
"WHAT?!"
Please Spear Us from This Movie!
Okay, so the Princess is taken captive and roped between two pairs of horses, which ride off. Ator starts off in hot pursuit, and finds rack after rack of conveniently-placed spears, with which he skewers the baddies! No matter, too, that the princess has been dragged, like, six miles. "It's over now." GAHH!
Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!
"Let's Up The Rating To 'R'"
Warrior, Cum with Me
Phoedra disguises herself as a hot damsel in distress and bewitches (?) Ator into sleeping with her, and treating us to her fully-frontally nude body as she gets up to go set the house on fire. Which was her plan, I guess?
Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!
Worst Picture
The Size of This Movie's Balls To Pull This Shit
Okay, I know this is a long clip, but a) I'm kinda at a loss as to where I'd cut it and b) I figure as a single Worst Picture clip instead of two, it might work. Ator and the Princess are separated by YET ANOTHER sudden portcullis (this happens about three times in this movie), but this time...here comes the ripoff Boulder Trap! This one with a twist: There are TWO, and they are explosive! One even seems to have some measure of sentience, but that's debatable. Then again, so is Ator's sentience. This clip would have been a more reasonable length if every one of Ator's shots weren't in frigging slow motion!
Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!
Directors
Director Claim to Fame
Alfonso Brescia Directed Super Stooges vs. the Wonder Women and about 50 other flicks. Also wrote Choke Canyon
Ovidio G. Assonitis Egyptian director of Tentacles, Madhouse, Piranha II: The Spawning (uncredited!), and when director Alfonso Brescia was struck by a car during the shooting of Iron Warrior (an act of God?), took over for him and finished it. 
Cast
Actor Character Claim to Fame
Miles O'Keeffe Ator The titular (*cough*) Ator in the franchise of the same name. Sometimes he spells it "O'Keefe." 
Savina Gersak Princess Janna  
Elisabeth Kaza Phoedra Phoedra in Iron Warrior
Iris Peynado Deeva  
Franco Daddi Trogar  
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