Captain America (1992)

Nomination Year: 1993
SYNOPSIS:  Back in the days of World War II, Steve Rogers is given a serum that makes him a super-soldier: stronger, faster, far more accurate and agile than any human. To help him with his superheroic mission, the government also gives Steve a shield made from a previously unknown, impervious alloy. They dub him "Captain America". Unfortunately, the Nazis also have a version of the serum which, though less effective, mutates its recipient into the hyperintelligent but fiendish Red Skull. His first time out, Captain America is defeated by the Red Skull and gets strapped to a rocket, which Cap manages to divert to the Arctic, where he lies in suspended animation for forty years or so. Flash-forward to today: Steve is awakened from his stasis and finds a world he never knew, yet, as luck would have it, a world that is newly threatened by (of course) the Red Skull, whose version of the serum has given him practical immortality. The old battle starts anew when Captain America must rescue the kidnapped President from the Red Skull's clutches. This time, the outcome will be different. Or will it?

Oblivious

Super-Intelligent But Not Super-Observant
The President, being a clever sort, has contrived to escape from his dungeon cell in the Red Skull's castle. No sooner has he left the cell, though, than he hears the Skull and his baddies approaching. There's no place to hide! So he just sidles up next to the doorway and waits there. In walks the entourage of bad guys, right past the President, who slips out unnoticed once they've all entered. They do notice the empty cell (miracle of miracles) and the Skull yells, "Find him!" I wouldn't count on it.

"Whoops!"

Stealth Technology?
Cap is infiltrating the Skull's compound and there's a huge firefight with guns, burning vehicles, and the whole works. In addition to the wooden acting, fake punches, and bad fight choreography, the sound cuts out halfway through and the rest of the fight is silent. I've had the opportunity to see several different copies of the film (even one on TV), and they all had the same defect.

"WHAT?!"

He Must Get Lousy Mileage
Captain America and the obligatory love interest are running through narrow, twisting streets, trying to escape being run over by a pursuing car. It doesn't seem to be too hard, because in every shot, the car is a different distance -- first, it's almost on their heels, then it's blocks away, then it's nearly on them, then it's coming up fast from 20 yards. They try to make it suspenseful when Cap has to rescue a boy playing in the middle of the street, but it just comes off as amusing.

Worst Special Effect

Now Showing: Sights of D.C.
Defeated by the Red Skull, Cap is strapped to a rocket which is headed for a bluescreen backdrop of the White House. At the last second, he manages to divert the the model rocket he's tied to by slamming his heels into the aluminum tailfins and bending them. Even the little kid taking pictures of the event (it's supposed to be the President as a young boy) doesn't buy it. He either saved a major landmark, or a nearby drive-in -- it's hard to tell which.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Matt Salinger  
Ronny Cox Grey-haired, long-faced actor who plays no-nonsense authority figures (who usually turn out to be bad guys), like in Robocop and Total Recall 
Ned Beatty "Otis" (Lex Luthor's henchman) in Superman. His middle name is Thomas 
Darren McGavin Was Kolchak, the Night Stalker; played the dad in A Christmas Story 
Michael Nouri  
Bill Mumy Will Robinson in Lost In Space series; sent people to the cornfield in The Twilight Zone; Lennier in Babylon 5; half of musical duo "Barnes & Barnes" 
Scott Paulin  
Melinda Dillon  
Director Claim to Fame
Albert Pyun Director who seems to have a "thing" for tech/android/cyborg movies: Cyborg, the Nemesis series, Omega Doom, and others 

Bryan Cassidy

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© 2011-2014 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.