Cyclone (1987)
Nomination Year: 1994
SYNOPSIS: Heather Thomas plays a beautiful woman (no stretch there) whose boyfriend is mysteriously killed with an ice pick. While cleaning up his apartment, she stumbles across a clandestine laboratory which houses a top-secret motorcycle, complete with all sorts of nifty gadgets. It turns out that her boyfriend was a scientist who secretly developed high-tech weaponry. No sooner has she made the discovery than the ice pick killers come after her. Tutored by a videotape left by her boyfriend, she uses the motorcycle to blaze a trail of vengeance through the covert underworld organization that murdered her beloved.
Bryan Cassidy
Smithee Award Nominations
"Cutting Butter With A Chainsaw" |
Cycle of Violence Heather is on the ultra-cycle, fleeing from the bad guys. One evil woman is chasing her on a (normal) cycle; the other baddies are in a car way behind. Heather finally gets tired of running and decides to fight. She screeches to a halt, whipping her super-cycle around to face the oncoming motorcycle. Heather fires laser bursts from the Cyclone, but misses four times. However, Evil Woman was distracted enough on that last near-miss to lose control of her cycle and plow into a parked car -- CRASH! She and her bike fly into the air! But Heather's still feeling cranky. While the rider is in mid-air, she fires rear-mounted surface-to-air missiles at her foe! BOOM! The parked car explodes right under the flying body! The (burnt) rider lands, followed soon after by her cycle -- right on top of her. But Heather's not done yet. Coming up fast is the car carrying the rest of the bad guys. A short blast from one of the Cyclone's weapons causes a spectacular Stephen J. Cannell flip-crash (remember "The Dukes of Hazzard" and "The A-Team?"). One baddie (Evil Woman's beau) crawls out and staggers to his badly-injured feet. He sees the remains of his girlfriend and screams at Heather: "I'll kill you!!!" Not a smart tactic. Heather dons her motorcycle helmet. Twin laser beams stab out from the helmet and incinerate the baddie (complete with that familiar man-on-fire dance). Ouch.
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Directors
Director |
Claim to Fame |
Fred Olen Ray |
If there's a contender for worst, most
prolific Bad Director ever to (dis)grace
Hollywood, he might be second only to Roger
Corman. Oh, AND he wrestles under the name
"Fabulous" Freddy Valentine. |
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