The Horror of Party Beach (1964)
Horror at Party Beach
Invasion of the Zombies

Nomination Year: 1993
SYNOPSIS:  A swingin' beach party flick with a way-out monster twist! Well, actually, it's a bunch of kids who get menaced by a really dumb-looking pack of sea monsters.

Stupidest-Looking Monster

Wurst-Looking Monster
The monsters look like they're made of wet newspaper and papier-mâché, like some sixth grader tried to make the Creature from the Black Lagoon and failed. They all have idiotic buggly eyes that pop out when they see a victim (who's always attractive and female). Worst of all, these creatures all look like they have about three dozen bratwurst stuffed into their mouths. In this scene, the hot-dog monster grabs a girl sunning herself on a rock (the girl's name is "Gina" in the first half of the film, but she's later referred to as "Tina"). It starts mauling her and, off-camera, pours what looks to be chocolate sauce on her, since that almost-black substance sure ain't passing for blood, even in black-and-white.

Worst Science

This Will Be on the Test
Dr. Gavin has finally figured out that these creatures were once human corpses impregnated with radioactively-mutated marine microorganisms. He asks questions aloud, almost to himself. Choose your answers carefully, because he amusingly contradicts everything the hero answers.
Gavin: Of course! This creature needs the ordinary necessities of human life -- proteins [pronounced "proty-uns" -B.], fats, sugars and so forth. But since his organs are so decomposed, it needs the only food which can keep it alive.
Hank: Blood?
Gavin: Human blood. If a human body -- a drowned person -- were attacked by tiny sea plants which became parasites and completely infiltrated that human body before it had a chance to decompse, would the body be considered dead or alive?
Hank (puzzled): Dead?
Gavin: No -- it's still alive. But it's changed into a -- well, is it a plant or an animal?
Hank: It's...both?
Gavin: It's a giant protozoa!
Glad we got that straightened out. Go for the bonus round, Hank!

Inane Dialogue

He's Got a Ph.D. in Stating the Obvious
The hero and the scientists are examining a severed arm from one of the monsters. Suddenly, they hear a noise outside. Thinking it might be a monster, they quickly turn off the lights and remain quiet. Enter Eulabelle, the maid. When the lights come on unexpectedly, she knocks over a beaker of saline solution onto the arm, which instantly combusts, shooting sparks and flames seven feet into the air for a full minute. Over the initial shock, the group cautiously approaches the flaming arm. After a long pause, the head scientist Dr. Gavin astutely observes: "Look! It's burning up!" All this, of course, is not even to mention that these critters live in the ocean. How do you kill them? Salt water, naturally!

Worst Picture

The Horror That Is Party Beach
The true horror of Party Beach is the 60's beach-party scenes and the lame-ass song the teeny-bopper band performs: "The Zombie Stomp." Here are the words, as nearly as I can decipher them:
Everybody do the Zombie Stomp;
Just put your foot down with an awful whomp;
Then reach up further, further;
Let's get closer;
Let's get closer;
Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo;
It's the Living End!
The Living Dead, more like.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
John Scott  
Alice Lyon  
Allen Laurel  
Eulabelle Moore  
Marilyn Clarke  
Director Claim to Fame
Del Tenney  

Bryan Cassidy

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© 2011-2014 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.