No Mercy (1980)
B.A.D. Cats

Nomination Year: 1993
SYNOPSIS:  Description of the movie's "plot" goes here.

Oblivious

Mechanic, Fix Thyself
The big boss is visiting one of his lesser lackeys, a mechanic who's nervous because the Starsky-and-Hutch clones have just paid him a visit.

"They're on to us, I tell ya! Look -- I done time! There ain't nuthin' -- nuthin' -- gonna make me go back in that box again! I want out!"

The sophisticated mastermind speaks through taut lips: "Well. If you want out, then I guess we'll just have to...let you out." Then he gives an incredibly obvious look. Think really evil thoughts, smile, shift your eyes once from right to left, and look in a mirror: that's the look. Now what do you think's going to happen to our mechanic friend?

Right. Well, the grease monkey doesn't have a clue. "Gee, thanks, boss. I knew you'd understand." He says this kind of thing the whole time the baddie's muscle men are leading him by the shoulder off-screen, the trailing goon unholstering his gun.

Smithee Award Winner! Worst Cover Copy

No Mercy, No Michelle
The front cover is nothing but a sultry shot of present-day Michelle Pfeiffer. Very sexy, up against a brick wall. The back cover says she stars as Sam, a cop whose partner gets shot, and now she's on the vengeance trail. Uh, no. Uh-uh. Not even close. Clearly, they either never saw a single frame of the film or (more likely) were deliberately attempting to mislead us drooling Michelle Pfeiffer fans. Not only doesn't she "star," she's hardly in it at all! It had to be one of her very first roles, since the whole film was nothing but a failed TV pilot, a Starsky & Hutch ripoff from the 70's. Michelle only plays a tiny bit part as a police secretary whose biggest contribution is to get coffee for someone once. If she has more than four minutes total screen time, I'll eat my beret. She's listed in the credits below Jimmie Walker, for Pete's sake!

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Asher Brauner  
Steve Hanks  
Michelle Pfeiffer One of the world's most lovely women; "Catwoman" in Batman Returns
LaWanda Page "Aunt Esther" on Sanford and Son 
Vic Morrow Craggy actor who got his head chopped off while filming Twilight Zone: The Movie
Jimmie Walker Was "J.J." on Good Times, but his career since has been less than "Dy-no-mite" 
Lance Henrikson "Bishop" from Alien(s), "Frank Black" on Millennium, and in a lot of Bad Movies, too 
Nehemiah Persoff  
Director Claim to Fame
Bernard L. Kowalski  
Ted Post  
Sutton Roley primarily a television director 

Anne O'Nymous

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