Phoenix the Warrior (1987)
Nomination Year: 1994
SYNOPSIS: In the post-apocalyptic future, Mankind is on the brink of extinction because all fertile males are gone. Such is the world of Phoenix the Warrior, fighting she-demoness of the desert. One day, Phoenix comes across a pregnant woman who claims to be carrying a child -- a male child! Phoenix guides her to some natives who help the lady give birth. However, just a few short years later, the psychic crone who controls the world captures Phoenix, the woman, and her son. They must struggle to escape the psi-witch's awesome mental powers before she can destroy the last vestige of masculinity on Earth!
"Hyper-Intelligent" Clearly Does Not Mean "Hyper-Observant"
Reverend Mother, a powerful psionic in spite of being hooked up to machines, has the male child in a cage. Suga and Phoenix have fought their way into her inner sanctum, but are paralyzed by the psycho-witch's nifty mind-powers. Suga struggles with all her might to free herself and save her son. She manages to draw her knife and advance about two steps, but collapses at the Reverend Mother's feet. "Ha ha!" gloats the Evil Psi-Queen, "See? You are not strong enough to defeat me!" While she's gloating, Suga is sawing through the witch's life-support cables, literally at her feet. RM gasps and dies instantly.
The look on her face is priceless, like, "Haha! You fool! Don't you know that you can't defeat m--glurg."
- "Let's Up The Rating To 'R'"
Maybe the Apocalypse Wasn't So Bad after All
On their way to safety, Phoenix and friend stop by a waterfall, where, for no plot-related reason, they witness a bunch of naked women bathing and playing. Lots of long, luxurious shots of wet, nubile bodies and pert, perky nipples.
- Deus Ex Machina
If This Had Been an Actual Emergency, You'd Have Been Dead By Now
Phoenix and friends are captured by the TV People, who worship old shows. They strap Phoenix and Suga to stakes while threatening them with shards of picture-tube glass. It looks like The End for our heroines. At the last second, their old friend Neon (whom everyone thought killed earlier) appears on a hilltop and shoots at the TV People. Saved for reruns!
Not Clear on the Conception
The woman is rail-thin. She's been traveling with Phoenix for weeks. Suddenly, she announces, whinily, that she's "carrying a child. A male child!" Yeesh.
[Smithee Film Gallery] [Return to Lobby]
© 2011-2019 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.