In Druid Hills, Kentucky, people are mysteriously dying, killed by -- of all things -- SHARKS in the CORNFIELDS. Yep, you read correctly. They somehow "swim" through the stalks and get you...
Why? Well...*deep breath* a serial killer has been burying his victims in the cornfields in this special county because of its mystical confluence with, uh, Stonehenge, and that's been feeding the growth/birth of a shark-goddess that's due to emerge and devour the unfaithful. Which is the whole Earth, of course.
In an odd twist, the lady sheriff who was working the case turns traitor and agrees to join the Shark Cult and become the embodiment of the goddess... Joining the guy who killed her sister... because... um. Hey, look over there!
Our final two heroes are fighting the shark cult, and it looks like they're losing. But wait! BIGFOOT (yes, the real one) shows up and conks the lieutenant with a boulder, saving the day! The reporter lightly tosses a plastic spear and kills the goddess's other underling. The CIA agent blithely tosses a grenade in the goddess's crown and blows her head off. They congratulate each other and marvel about the appearance of Bigfoot.
"WHAT?!"
So This Is What Happens
He "pro-offers" the 13th pup? Did he mean "proffer?" Day Night Day. Great speech. Stonehenge and the moon are in alignment. The Becoming. Chichimatul. WTFFF???
"Let's Up The Rating To 'R'"
Corno Movie
One of the taglines from this film is "You're Gonna Need a Bigger Hoe." Well, we've got one here. Sally gets topless playing a sex game with her lover in the cornfield. Then the CGI Shark Puppet eats her. And not in the fun way.
Worst Acting
No Oscar for Mayor Weiner
As bad as the Constable was at acting, the bald Mayor Zanuck (Todd Martin) shows us why he outranks him. And I mean RANKs. Half the stuff he says is off-the-wall nonsense!
Mayoral Candidate for Worst Acting and Lunch
Another clip from Todd Martin. Could easily have been a Wanna Run! Remember: "Never go swimmin' with bow-legged women!"
Worst Picture
Little Billy Gets It
As soon as you see the kid playing Frisbee with Dad, you know what's gonna happen. But you probably weren't ready for the shark doing...things...to the kid's ass! Or the parents' horrific acting. Or the strawberry syrup thrown around. Or the bouncing head...
Jumping the Shark
Two different copters + Shark + Bad Movie = "SHAAAARRRRRK!"
Kind of a minor scream-queen already,
she's been called the "Horror Goddess of
Gore." Was Sky in Zombarella's
House of Whorrors; Irena in
Catnado; Phyllis in
Hi-Fear; and..."Jules
Verne" (?) in Joel D. Wynkoop's
the Craiglon Incident II
Aftermath (??). Also wrote
Natasha Nightly's Boudoir of
Blood.
The Lord Reverend Colonel Claude D.
Miles, AKA "Ford Winstar"
(seriously?) has over 100 IMDb.com
credits...all Bad. His filmography
reads like a Smithee smorgasbord:
Darbie's Scream House;
Scream Queens Weenie
Roast; Bigfoot
Exorcist; Cannibal
Hookers; Kill, Granny
Kill!; and my personal
favorite: Nundead, in
which he played Jesus Christ. Which
is what one exclaims when seeing
him act.
Goes for parts in
weird/supernatural/sci-fi flicks. Like
the captain in Misadventures in
Space; Dr. Newton in Bride
of the Saucer Monster; Brandy in
The Zombie Movie; and Mitch
in Shark Exorcist 2: Unholy
Waters.
Ollie McNeill in Zeppo: Sinners
from beyond the Moon!; Horny Thug
in Queen of the Cursed
World; Todd in
Faces; and James Reynolds
in Blood on the Bleachers.
The worst actor I had seen...until he
was out-Bad-Acted by Todd Martin in
Sharks of the Corn, which
he produced. Also produced Killing
Spree which he (Bad) acted in as
Mr. Jerkins.
Acted in only a few things, thank God,
such as: Truth or Dares 4
and 5, It Lives in the
Attic, Hi-Death,
Hi-Fear, and Earth
Girls Are Sleazy. Is also a
screenwriter...with (as of this writing)
no fewer than 8 things stuck in the
pipeline. Go figure.
Most Ludicrous Premise
Tim Ritter
Shannon Stockin
Claude D. Miles
Steve Guynn
Casey Miracle
Al Nicolosi
Todd Martin
