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Solar Crisis (1990)
Crisis 2050
Kuraishishu Niju-Goju Nen
Starfire

Nomination Year: 1993
SYNOPSIS:  You don't often see such a turkey with such a huge budget and an all-star cast, but it happens. In the future, where space travel is routine, scientists predict a solar flare of such magnitude that it will wipe out all life on Earth. A team of courageous astronauts must travel to the Sun and send in an intelligent super-bomb to magnetically collapse the building flare. It's risky, but it should work. Only one problem -- some nutcase with vast resources is working to sabotage the mission.

"Wanna Run That By Me Again?"

He Used To Be Director of Risk Management at Enron
The villain is a super-wealthy tycoon whose agents kidnapped one of the mission crew and "reprogrammed" her to sabotage the bid to save Earth. The explanation for this ultimate treachery against the entire human race, including himself? "I don't care what those scientists say. The Sun's not going to flare like that. It's never done that before and it won't do it now. And to prove it, I'm sabotaging the mission."

I'll bet this guy loses a lot of change to vending machines that say "Out of Order."

Deus Ex Machina

You Need a Brain Before It Can Be Washed
The genetically perfect woman somehow breaks the bad guys' mind control just in time to disarm the bomb with her voice code.

Inane Dialogue

From the "Hey, We Hadn't Thought of That" Department
After a nervous flunky threatens to spill the beans to the rest of the world, the bad guy's men roughly shove him out of the plane and into the desert. They block his way back inside as everyone leaves. He shouts to the departing plane, "Hey. Wait a minute! You can't leave me! I'll DIE out here!"

Crummiest Ending

The Closest She'll Get to Stardom
The "genetically perfect" woman who had been reprogrammed finally breaks free of the baddie's control and wants a chance to redeem herself by driving the bomb into the Sun. The problem is, though, that nobody trusts her now. So she hijacks the bomb and pilots it into the Sun anyway. Here, the special effects are really quite pretty, but strange as all get-out. It's a really looong scene. She talks to the bomb. Then the credits roll. Was she successful? I guess we'll never know.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Tim Matheson Voice of the original Johnny Quest; starred in Solar Crisis; Vice-President on The West Wing 
Charlton Heston Silver-age he-man action star and tough guy who became leader of the N.R.A. 
Peter Boyle Monster in Young Frankenstein. Played a lot of parts (good and bad) since then. 
Annabel Schofield Supermodel 
Paul Koslo  
Jack Palance Gravelly tough-guy through and through 
Paul Williams Short, blond, famous songwriter. 
John Blyth Barrymore  
Roy Jenson  
Brenda Bakke was also in L.A. Confidential as "Lana Turner" 
Director Claim to Fame
Allen (Alan) Smithee The One and Only 
Richard C. Sarafian  

Bryan Cassidy

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© 2011-2014 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.