From an angle of about 4 degrees, a cultist gets the drop on Jack and knocks him over. And he was looking right there seconds before!

Father Aaron is standing there with his newly-acquired chainsaw. Suddenly, a Satanic ninja stomps up behind him and raises its arm, almost as if waiting for something. That something is the priest wheeling around and cutting off the arm with said chainsaw.

Suddenly -- it's "Big Red!" The victim spins and spurts fountains of blood, like that "Saturday Night Live" fake commercial for the viking toy. Then he keels over comically, like Vizzini in The Princess Bride. Thud.

The heroes come upon a "weapons tree," complete with chainsaws, hedge trimmers, machetes, guns, shuriken, and other implements of destruction. Jack explains that their Satanic ninja enemies "left these there for us to use...against them. It's the Law of Hell and they know it." WHAT?!

The entire scene is also punctuated with the sounds of passing airplanes and farm equipment in the background that they just decided to roll with. Quality.

Jack tells Father Aaron "not to worry, I'm just summoning the Devil to inhabit that corpse." What can possibly go wrong with this plan??

Bad acting all around, even by Satan.

Larry DuBois as Jack (sweatshirt guy) explains the plot so far, and does a pretty horrendous job of acting while doing it. He sold his soul, see, and reneged. Now, anyone but his Preacher friend who looks into his eyes wants to kill him. Come to think of it, so do I.

What's really idiotic about this scene is Jack's acting: he talks so fast and low as to mumble, and he seems to be struggling to remember what to do. You can see the wheels turning upstairs -- "Okay, now I put my foot on this chair like this. Drink vodka. Line, line, line. Light cigarette." Truly, anyone off the street could do at least as well.

Father Aaron is reviewing his Bible. Then suddenly, a demonic hand rips through the pages and grabs his throat! While the book's on the table, it's clearly someone putting his made-up hand through a hole in the table. While it's on his throat, it looks like he's holding it there, 'cause as an obvious prop, it hangs limply. He "struggles" with the hand for a while and finally manages to dislodge it from his throat, only to have it clamp onto his crotch! He grabs a nearby knife, then shakes his head, puts it down, and tries clubbing it with a hammer instead.

Anyone who's ever watched a cartoon knows what happens next: The Hand lets go at that crucial moment, and the Father smacks himself right in the nads.

The Hand, its job well done, dissolves into a puddle of maroon-colored goo.