The Church (1988)
Cathedral of Demons
In the Land of the Demons
Nomination Year: 2000
SYNOPSIS: Who knows? You watch it, then explain to *me* what's going on....
OK, I'll give it my best shot. Restorations on the foundation of a Gothic cathedral accidentally release some sort of malevolent force. The Cathedral (excuse me, I mean The Church) seals itself off in Rube Goldbergian fashion, and the protagonists have to decide whether to escape or collapse the cathe-- Church from within to re-seal the evil.
- "Wanna Run That By Me Again?"
The History of Gothic Cathedrals
Apropos of pretty much nothing, the professor launches into the history of Gothic cathedrals, and the mystery of their construction. Because those construction technique were so suddenly advanced, they might have come from aliens. Or Satan.
- "Alas, Poor Yorick"
Subway Trains Don't Have Cowcatchers
A woman falls through an unstable floor and only her boyfriend's hand keeps her from tumbling into a seemingly bottomless abyss. But, wait...just a few feet down, there's ground...and rails...and...hey, what's that light?
- Stupidest-Looking Monster
That's right -- one of the evils that the
cathedralChurch menaces our heroes with is an iguana monster.
- Acting Appropriately Stupid
That Special Glow
This whole thing has been set up like a Rube Goldberg puzzle so that if the evil comes back, the Church can be collapsed in on itself. So we need to be very careful. Hey, where's this light under this cross coming from? I better lean waaaaaay over to look down in this pit thing.
- Worst Special Effect
What's That in the Road? A Head?
It's the medieval era flashback, and the knights are terrorizing the peasantry. One knight chops off a peasant's head, and the whole thing is reminiscent of Wooden Dummy Theater.
- Crummiest Ending
Buh. Guh. Why?
The heroes collapse the Church and trap the evil within at the cost of their own lives. Only the teenage girl survives. A couple years later, she wanders by the ruins and decides to release the evil again.
- Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame Barbara Cupisti Hugh Quarshie What a great name! Thomas Arana Feodor Chaliapin, Jr. Michele Soavi director of about a dozen films, including The Church
Director Claim to Fame Michele Soavi sometimes credited as: Michael Saroyan, Michael Shaw, or Michael Soavi
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