The Clones (1974)
The Cloning
The Cloning of Dr. Appleby
Dead Man Running
The Mindsweepers

Nomination Year: 1997
SYNOPSIS:  Dr. Appleby has a problem. The mild-mannered scientist barely escapes with his life when his lab inexplicably catches fire. Afterward, no matter where he goes, he seems to have been preceded by an exact duplicate of himself. Then, the attempts on his life begin. Hunted by friends, family, and police, he appeals to fellow scientist Carl Swafford for help. But when Swafford, too, tries to kill him, he flees again. He eventually finds out that he's been cloned and that Swafford and his closest associates are attempting to replace him and other leading scientists with clones in a plot to control Earth's weather (I don't understand it, either). In a final, climactic shoot-out in which his wife is killed in the crossfire, Appleby finally destroys the clone, those who were hunting him, and Carl Swafford himself...or does he?

Smithee Award Winner! "Wanna Run That By Me Again?"

"Uh, Could You Let Me Out Right Here, Please?"
Appleby is trying to hitchhike to safety, and is picked up by a large van/bus, where he is subjected to drunken drug-induced rambling until he can finally take no more.

Worst Science

The Problem Is, the Clones Are Always Hungry
In the hospital, Dr. Appleby learns about cloning from his physician. Although human cloning is cutting edge even by today's standards, in the bizarro-world of the movie, the doctor talks about it in a nonchalant, matter-of-fact manner, almost like, "Oh, sure, it happens all the time. Didn't you know?" In any case, it seems they can take a cell from someone's stomach and "program it with a personality," at which point it grows into a fully-formed duplicate.

Smithee Award Winner!MegaMetaSmithee Award Winner! Inane Dialogue

Could Be Serious
An exhausted and confused Appleby is in Swafford's office. "Carl, someone just tried to kill me." Swafford repiles, "Kill you? That could be serious." Not too serious, though. They made backups.

Crummiest Ending

What a Waste, Indeed
His wife dead and with nothing left to lose, Appleby decides at last to take matters into his own hands. He gets a gun. There's a climactic shoot-out at the old amusement park involving police detectives (who all get shot), Swafford's evil cadre of goons (who all get shot) and Swafford himself. In the end, Appleby backs Swafford into a dark corner of the funhouse. Swafford pleads for his life, trying to explain the advance to science, but Appleby is having none of it: BANG! Swafford slumps and dies. The End, right? Nope. There's a tsking from behind Appleby, who wheels around to see...Carl Swafford pointing a gun at him! Swafford #2 (or is it the original?) says simply, "What a waste." BANG! Appleby slumps and dies. The End.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Michael Greene appeared in a movie called Soft Toilet Seats, which is its own reward punishment 
Susan Hunt  
Gregory Sierra  
Otis Young  
Stanley Adams "Cyrano Jones" in the original Star Trek 
Alex Nicol  
John Drew Barrymore  
Director Claim to Fame
Lamar Card  
Paul Hunt  

Bryan Cassidy

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© 2011-2014 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.