Steele Justice (1987)

Nomination Year: 2002
SYNOPSIS:  The only Law is Black Tiger law...and the only Justice is his: STEELE Justice! The Black Tigers are basically like the Vietnamese Yakuza. It's headed by powerful industrial tycoon Kwan. Years ago, Kwan was a corrupt special ops guy who knew John Steele. Now their paths cross again when the Black Tigers kill Steele's best friend.

"Cutting Butter With A Chainsaw"

"I Should've Used Velcroooooâ„¢!"
The final fight with Kwan, complete with Good-Guy Disarm-and-Recovery(tm), Mid-Air Grenade Explosion(tm), and Pithy Ending Comment(tm).


(Knocked) Down But Not Out
This film had a whole huge plethora of good "Whoops"es. Here, we have the typical henchperson-shoots-ally scene. The woman baddie shoots the black cop, but Sela clobbers her from behind. Only trouble is, the woman drops, but CLEARLY keeps her eyes open and WATCHES Sela move away from her. I suppose it's possible that the character was just stunned enough to be harmless instead of unconscious (as is customary), but I think she simply believed she was off-camera at that point....

Smithee Award Winner! "Whoops!"

Mask | Hat | Snake-on-a-String
Steele has rented a mini-tank (don't ask) and is proceeding to blow away the baddies. But the guy he got it from (the grey-haired man with the anti-tank gun) is in cahoots! The guy seems to have the amazing power to manifest any headgear he desires, in any position. First his blast shield is down. Then it's up. Then he lifts it up again. But wait, there's more! Next, he's bareheaded, but then he's wearing an instant cap! After that, the bad guy goes over to the tank to shoot Steele, only to find Three-Step...ON A STRING. I was rather dismayed to discover that it was somewhat hard to see in the 2nd-generation copy I have, but it's clear as day in the original. Anyway, Three-Step bites the baddie, who then bites it himself within three steps, cheesily counted by a hidden Steele.

Acting Appropriately Stupid

I'm So Pissed, I Don't Need a Gun To Kill You
The main baddie Kwan is getting away, and Steele is in pursuit. He's got the guy dead to rights. He can shoot him any time. But no. Steele decides to take on the Ultimately Evil ninja swordmaster by putting down his gun. How noble...and Appropriately Stupid.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Martin Kove This bulbous-nosed slab of meat plays the beefy guy in almost EVERYTHING; you're almost certain to have seen him (e.g., as "Nero the Hero" in Death Race 2000
Sela Ward Starred in Sisters, and did a bunch of telephone commercials 
Ronny Cox Grey-haired, long-faced actor who plays no-nonsense authority figures (who usually turn out to be bad guys), like in Robocop and Total Recall 
Bernie Casey Former pro footballer, he plays the stony-faced Big Black Guy in many films, often as a police detective 
Joseph Campanella A verteran of soaps and disaster flicks, he has a recognizable voice 
Soon-Tek Oh What James Hong does for ubiquitous Asian presence on the big screen, Soon-Tek does for the little screen 
Al Leong Quite often plays the token dirty long-haired Asian 
Shannon Tweed Ex-porn star who is now the queen of, well, soft-core porn 
Asher Brauner  
Phil Fondacaro first role was in Under the Rainbow ... stands three feet six inches from head to heel 
Director Claim to Fame
Robert Boris Directed Doctor Detroit (one of Bryan's favorite films) 

Bryan Cassidy

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