Nomination Year: 2002
SYNOPSIS: An ex-spook-turned-beach-bum is "recruited" by an assholic CIA agent to recover the black box of a downed aircraft. His geeky, computer hacker brother tags along. A woman named Alex insinuates herself halfway into the mission, and the three of them unravel a new post-Cold-War plot of international intrigue. A totally pointless action flick that tries to think, but nothing happens.
"Is Pesky Performance Artists Again, Da?"
The trio needs access to the Russian's most top secret computers, so the hero and Alex break into a maximum security complex and plant an uplink transmitter in one of their sattelite dishes. But here come some guards! Although they're on a bar TWO FEET above the guards' heads, in full view, silhouetted, the guards don't even lift their heads the millimeter or so it would take to notice. Actually, it's more like they did see those people on the scaffolding, but simply figured it was something commonplace.
- Worst Science
Birdbrains Talk to Fish Brains
The plane is down in shark-infested waters. How to avoid getting eaten? The geeky know-it-all-cause-I'm-a-scientist brother has a plan. He uses his computer to send out brain wave vibrations that can fool fish into thinking they're seeing critters more dangerous than themselves. He demonstrates the process by speeding up the film in a goldfish tank (you really have to see it to believe it). A few minutes of screen time later, the field test is where he overlays a killer whale vibe on his swimming brother. It scares off the sharks (well the stock footage, anyway), but then...a REAL orca (well, more stock footage) arrives on the scene and tries to MATE with him, mistaking the signal for a female in heat. I kid you not. They joke about it for a bit, but no harm done in the end. Sigh.
- "Cutting Butter With A Chainsaw"
Just To Get Your Attention
The CIA guy tosses a *grenade* into the hero's boat, "just to get his attention." On land, he no doubt kicks people in the crotch instead of tapping them on the shoulder.
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