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Loch Ness Horror (1981)
The Loch Ness Horror
Nessie

Nomination Year: 2003
SYNOPSIS:  A team of American scientists is visiting Loch Ness in order to finally prove or disprove the exitence of its famous monster. But there's other intrigue, involving a downed WWII plane, a crazy Scotsman, and more. The monster behaves civilly until divers discover and steal its egg.

"Wanna Run That By Me Again?"

"Hey! We're--uh...Yeah, I Guess It's True."
A local's daughter is meeting her first American. So she asks him if it's true that Americans attend the movies often and buy pornography.

Stupidest-Looking Monster

Nessie
Nessie emerges from the cold waters of the Loch and breathes steam.

"Whoops!"

"Loch Ness Monster! Reverse the Flow of Time!"
In a "cunning" special effect, Nessie attacks a boat, except that the film runs backwards just a bit.

"WHAT?!"

Plot-Specific Telescope
The crazy Scotsman looks into his telescope, across the surface of the Loch. Then he looks into it again, and he's looking down on an airplane flying over the Loch. Then he looks into it a third time, and sees Nessie.

Worst Acting

Barry Buchanan as Spencer Dean
Barry Buchanan plays Spencer Dean. In this scene, he tries to make peace with the local woman he has been flirting with, finally offering to take her for a ride on the Loch in his boat. He waxes rhapsodic about racing the moon, and it comes off about as romantically as a tree creaking in the wind.

Worst Picture

Bullets Only Make Nessie Mad
A bad guy is attempting to escape with Nessie's egg (and the kidnapped heroine), but Nessie is tracking his car. He pulls over at a roadblock, and using the oldest piece of misdirection in the book ("Pardon me lads, but do you realize that your weapon's safety is on?") draws a gun on the two armed soldiers. At this point, Nessie emerges from the woods, and takes his head gently into her mouth, with a noise that sounds like twigs snapping in the woods. The soldiers shoot, to no avail. Finally, bad guy dead, soldiers fled, Nessie approaches the car and smiles at her egg as tenderly as her plastic face will allow.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Sandy Kenyon  
Miki McKenzie  
Stuart Lancaster Grandson of one of the Ringling Brothers, played bit parts in a lot of B-films 
Barry Buchanan son of director Larry Buchanan 
Director Claim to Fame
Larry Buchanan was a folk musician prior to becoming a director 

Kevin Hogan

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© 2011-2014 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.