Carnivore (2000)

Nomination Year: 2004
SYNOPSIS:  Ugh, what a turkey. It makes Syngenor look like Jurassic Park. A Top Secret Government project decides to set up its lab in suburbia, USA, in the basement of an abandoned old house (no clue why). They're using genetics to create an intelligent, regenerating mutant uber-creature for the purposes of warfare (sound familiar?). Inevitably, the critter gets loose--*very* loose--because it wants sex. Yet it stays in the house. Why? Because, unlike Syngenor, who was allergic to water, this super-creature has an even BIGGER weakness: light. It can't come out in sunlight. Even more inevitably, four teenagers decide to pick that night to camp out in the spooky old house. Add a pair of bumbling cops and a few gung-ho Feds who hate their lady boss, and you've got the recipe for disaster. VERY bad acting all around. I don't even know who to nominate. According to IMDb, it took 10 years to make this film...which is only fair, since it took about 20 years to watch.

Worst Acting

We Have Assessed the Problem, Sir, and It Is Us
In a movie rife with horrible acting, you'd think the older cast members might be a tad better, given the possibility of their having a bit more experience. No. They're WORSE, if possible. I guess if I have to pick one or two people from the film to get the Acting nod, I'd have to nominate this guy, the "DIA" Director Burrows (Jack Solem) and maybe that General, too (J. Douglas Martner). This is the meeting where they chew out the lady agent and decide what to do about the out-of-control Carnivore Project. Wooden, stilted, and clearly not heartfelt.

Worst Picture

The Middle--Er, End???
I know we've seen abrupt Crummy Endings before which seem to stop in the middle of the film, but this one may be one of the worst I've seen. The monster gets shot in a pathetically sappy death scene, then there's some suggestion later that it regenerated, leaving its skin behind (but nothing explicit), and then there's this out-of-the-blue, solve-nothing voice-over, then...credits. Perhaps what got me most is this: about 3/4 of the way through the film, the trigger-happy toughguy agent secretly calls the "Director" to report, and the Director tells him to eliminate all witnesses, including the lady Fed. "Wow," I thought, maybe some real plotting and action at last. But does this ever happen? Is it ever resolved? NO. Simply forgotten. Pfft. To add insult to injury, get a load of the credits, about the 5th one down: "Assistant to Mr. Mader: HIS MOM." I kid you not.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Reverend E.V. Hill Reverend implies his profession, it's not his first name 
Jack Solem  
J. Douglas Martner  
Director Claim to Fame
Joseph Kurtz  
Kenneth Mader Also produced Carnivore 

Bryan Cassidy

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