Voodoo Black Exorcist (1973)
La Vengeance du Zombie
Vudú Sangriento

Nomination Year: 2007
SYNOPSIS:  Okay, there's some voodoo involved. And he's black (though light-skinned). But the main character/monster is a mummy, not an exorcist. Nowhere in this vomitous mass of filmation is there an exorcist. I strongly suspect the title was meant to capitalize on the Exorcist horror-movie craze of the '70s.

Basically, a voodoo priest and his lover were killed long ago. When a modern (well, '70s) archaeologist unearths the priest's sarcophagus and transports it aboard a cruise ship, he emerges to seek the reincarnation of his lost love and to wreak general havoc. What do you know: The reincarnation of his lost love is the archaeologist's assistant Sylvia (what are the odds?). I assume he must kill to maintain his unlife (or at least his human façade of "Dr. Craig"), because he sure does a lot of it for no other readily discernible reason.

"Wanna Run That By Me Again?"

"Threats Are Only Words."
A weird conversation for a second date. He tells her in a sinister voice that she has much to learn. She says it sounds like a threat. He explains matter-of-factly: "Threats are only words, but what must happen is almost here and nothing can change it. But you have nothing to fear." Oooookay.

Stupidest-Looking Monster

The Mummy Gets Sh*tfaced
A stiller, clear shot of the mummy's true (fake) face. And some amusing mirror-breaking and room-trashing.

Best One-Liner

Caribbean Columbo on the Case
The Sheriff appears. I don't know if it's fair to nominate an obvious voice-over as a Worst Actor, but this would be a contender. Still, his mannerisms are amusing, as is his one-liner: "I have a system. Whenever I don't have a lead, I drink gin and wait."

Smithee Award Winner! "Whoops!"

Fights, Camera, Action!
Probably one of the best all-around clips from the movie. The mummy homes in on his latest victim: the dancer. He corners her in her dressing room and they fight. Good shots of Mudface. The fight begins. There's a struggle. They each pick something up (I think). Even though she doesn't seem to come near him, he suddenly reels back as if stabbed. Right, she stabbed a killer mummy with her nail-file. Then watch the mirror. Some mummy bitch-slaps, some choking, then there he is, clear as day: The cameraman!

Worst Special Effect

Fake Heads Were On Sale That Week.
Good shot from several angles of the fake (*cough*--mannequin--*cough*) head. Cheesy music and camera cuts. And a flashback of the original fake head.

Worst Picture

Mummiest Ending
The mummy has abducted Sylvia and is now cornered in the cave somewhere. Inspector/Sheriff Columbo makes his move. He's brought machineguns and flamethrowers. "Do you know what a mummy is, my son?" comes the question at one point as the Sheriff briefs one of his rookies. But the gem of the clip is perhaps Kisling's worried question: "You won't destroy it?!" And the reply: "If I take it home, my wife will be very angry." Dr. Kisling's erstwhile assistant-turned-mummy-minion "hides" in wait for him. Yeah, hides right the heck down where the doctor has to practically walk on him. But Kisling doesn't notice. Things happen pretty fast after that. I guess everyone was tired. They shoot the assistant. They find the mummy (Sheriff says "He's here!"). Cue flamethrower. Nevermind about the hostage. FWOOOOSH! Mummy and Sylvia burn to a crisp. Roll credits. The End. Nice and tidy.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Aldo Sambrell Veteran of many a Spaghetti Western -- even had a small part in Dr. Zhivago 
Tanyeka Stadler  
Eva León  
Alfredo Mayo  
Fernando Sancho  
Director Claim to Fame
Manuel Caño  

Bryan Cassidy

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© 2011-2014 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.