Zeram  (1991)
[+]
(Foreign Titles)
Nomination Year: 2009
SYNOPSIS: I do want to make one thing perfectly clear about Zeram. It was not a painful movie. It was very pretty. The direction was good, even clever. The script was not exactly top-notch, but it didn't get in the way of what was meant to be a pretty basic "fight the evil space monster" story. I almost feel bad about Smitheeing it.

Almost.

For one thing, the characters could not stop with the Inane Dialogue to save their lives ("Nothing can go wrong," "It's not going anywhere," "It's finished"). You'd think that after the third or so fatal blow, they might not be so quick to judge Zeram dead and the movie over. It took them at least ten minutes of screen time to finally kill Zeram after they struck their first fatal blow.

And the other thing (literally) is Zeram itself. I have found some screen shots, but they don't really do justice. Zeram sort of looks like a giant bipedal toadstool with glowing eyes that resemble the visor of "Cyclops" from X-Men, and a Noh-mask face in the middle of its forehead that is actually on the end of a giant phallic tentacle (think Soul Vengeance with bite).

Zeram also spawns these weird little pink mutant things that fight on its behalf and serve as plot devices when necessary.

Oh! The plot! Zeram escapes from some kind of space prison, and during the opening credits, kills lots of people we don't really see. A pair of bounty hunters (the woman Ilya/Iria, and her computer Bob) are sent to intercept it before it can do collateral damage. They also cannot let any of the inhabitants of the planet where it's landing (Earth) know of their (or its) existence.

They create a "zone" (a weird alternate dimension thing populated with inanimate objects but none of the people) to catch it in. Their plans are screwed up when a couple of guys from the power company show up to investigate their unauthorized power tap, and end up in the zone along with Ilya/Iria (and Zeram).

The rest of the movie is a race to (a) take out, or at least survive encounters with, Zeram, and (b) get out of the zone before it discorporates.

The movie is even pretty well-paced. And I am still feeling a bit sorry about including it here. And then I think of Zeram the Stupid-Looking Monster, and I know what has to be done.
Kevin Hogan
Smithee Award Nominations
Stupidest-Looking Monster
Zeram Mark 3? Frisbee? Turkey?
It's Zeram mark three ... that goofy cross between Zeram mark one and a Predator from the movie Predator. Still stupid, still yellow, equally (in)effective! This version of Zeram is when it morphs from stupid frisbee-lookin' thing to stupid raw-turkey-with-ichor-lookin' thing.
Inane Dialogue
Bob, World's Wrongest Computer
Ilya/Iria asks Bob if he's taken all factors into account. "I checked and double-checked my figures," Bob says. "Nothing can go wrong." In Bob's defense (*cough* floating point error *cough*), it is a full two or three minutes before the power company guys show up and accidentally zap themselves into the "zone."
Directors
Director Claim to Fame
Keita Amemiya also wrote Zeram and Cyber Ninja 
Cast
Actor Character Claim to Fame
Yûko Moriyama <Not Yet in Database>  
To the Film Gallery   Return to Lobby
[Smithee Film Gallery]   [Return to Lobby]
© 1992-2024 Bryan D. Cassidy and Greg Pearson. All Rights Reserved.