Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force (1989)
Roller Blade Warrior: Taken By Force
Roller Blade Warriors

Nomination Year: 2010
SYNOPSIS:  Like Roller Blade, but with a more sensible plot and watered-down weirdness. Or in other words, less interesting.

An Oracle is being escorted by Sister Karin Cross to safety. The Oracle can sense danger as well as infusing people with a sense of purpose, and other miscellaneous minor mental abilities. Of course, she gets snuck up on and captured. There's a group of baddies that need women to feed to The Mysterious Monster In The Stack at Abaddon. Karin Cross tracks The Oracle. Sister Karin has to kill some bad guys. No "our weapons are tools of love" for this Roller Nun.

Meanwhile, Mother Speed (a younger woman than the first Mother Speed, and showing a disturbing amount of cleavage) dispatches two other Roller Nuns (one of whom is Sister Sharon from the first film) to track down and return with Karin and The Oracle.

Pretty much the rest of the movie is people walking, interspersed with poorly-choreographed fight scenes.

Most Ludicrous Premise

Nuns On The Run Roll.
The mysterious voiceover sets up the movie for us. A roller nun ("sister of the order of the Roller Blade") is escorting a woman (a seer) from a mountaintop monastery to the safety of the Temple of the Roller Blade.

Stupidest-Looking Monster

For certain values of "okay."
Sister Karin finally tracks down the Oracle, who has been left as a sacrifice for The Thing In The Tower. "Everything's gonna be okay! I'm gonna get you out here!" she says. Which is the cue for the poo-monster (wearing moon boots) to show up and attack them! And what a shitty monster it is!

Acting Appropriately Stupid

Gullible Order of the Roller Blade, maybe....
The two veteran Sisters of the Holy Order of the Roller Blade are seeking the lost Oracle and Sister Karin. They espy a couple of sketchy-looking guys. "Look, they have water!" says one. "We gonna trust them?" asks the other. Of course, they do.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Kathleen Kinmont  
Elizabeth Kaitan  
Sam Mann composed and performed the song "Single Life For Me" on Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force 
Michael Sonye  
Johnnie Saiko did creature effects for Hell Comes to Frogtown 
Suzanne Solari  
Abby Dalton mother of Kathleen Kinmont ("Phoenix" from Phoenix the Warrior
Norman Alden venerable career stretching back to 1957 
Jeffrey Hutchinson  
Marc Siegler wrote Galaxy of Terror 
Erin Michael  
 Kelsey aka Larry Kelsey 
Christopher Roth primarily an editor of Smithee-calibre films (this one, Alienator, Wizards of the Demon Sword, Frogtown 2 through 4, The Dentist 2: Brace Yourself, etc, etc, etc) 
Lisa Toothman  
Rory Calhoun  
Director Claim to Fame
Donald G. Jackson aka "Maximo T. Bird" when he felt like it 

Kevin Hogan

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© 2011-2014 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.