Let's Hope They Never Learn about the Sun
The radiation from Earth's unchecked nuclear testing is slowly rendering other planets across the galaxy uninhabitable! And the Stupid-Looking Galactic Council sends Starman!
Pappy Tells It Like It Ain't
Eddie Rickenbacker, germ warfare, and giant possums.
Not Even for $2 Billion
In 1972, Richard Nixon had $2 billion printed and hidden
in bunkers around the country to be used in the event of nuclear war....
It Runs on Fusion
In the future, we will discover a mineral called Texmexium
that lets computers take over the world.
The Piñata Strikes Back
Kyle explains The Legend of the Piñata.
Plot Twist: He'll Be Executed If He Stops Reading Mein Kampf
Sneaks past guy reading.
Lord Khoura Is Shadow-Blind
Thane in shadows as Lord Khoura stalks past.
What?! You're Pregnant?!
She takes his hand and rubs it on her abdomen, and asks, "Do you know how long it is before you can feel the baby's heartbeat?" Then she tells him she's pregnant. He does a wild take and goes "WHAT?!"
"Where's My Hostage? There's Nothing Here But This Barrel!"
Kid runs from train platform up to bare hilltop, hides in lidless barrel.
See No Evil...
He takes so long to cut through the fence, they have to timelapse it.
Slow News Day
Extra! Read all about it!
Low-Flying Pigeon Swoops Down and Shits All Over Railroad Cargo!
Low-Flying Pigeon Swoops Down and Shits All Over Railroad Cargo!
Roadside Produce Is Apparently Fine
The anti-meat sermon.
From Sex Styles to Textiles
"Are you married or just in love?"
"We're in textiles."
The conversation goes downhill from there.
"We're in textiles."
The conversation goes downhill from there.
"Oh. WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!"
A little duct-tape interrogation of the possessed guy.
It's Not Supernatural, It's Psychic!
The reporter says
he doesn't believe in "all that supernatural crap"; she's
probably just telepathic and is reading the crowds minds to
know what to say. Because that's WAY more believable than
contacting dead people.
You Don't Interrupt a Soliloquy, Dummy!
You Don't Interrupt a Soliloquy, Dummy!
The SFX of the Damned
"Fireflies" lead to dummy head. It's magic!
What Is this? The Hall of Presidents?
Animatronic Sean Connery head.
Flights of Not-So-Fancy
Starman flying after a toy helicopter.
"I Want Out of This Movie!"
A trancer goes out the window. This is the worst
falling effect since Witchboard.
Dicks See Dynamite
Frank dies on the toilet.
Now There's a Twist
Nosy detective starts poking around the graveyard. The vampire suddenly runs in from offscreen! He chokes him, punches him, slams the lid down on the cop's head, then sucks on him.
The Thing from the, Uh, "Nether Reaches"
After concluding that drugs may not be so good for you, a demon grabs his crotch from under the bed, folds him in half and drags him under.
Wheaton Gets Eaten
"You got me out of bed for a snake?" Then Wheaton is eaten.
Why "Gobsmacked" Can Be a Bad Thing
Cigarette explosion.
The Aliens Came Down! We're Saved!
They rush outside to discover: The aliens have apologetically appeared and make everything okay.
They Almost Missed Their Tea Break
The guards chasing the commando get tired of chasing him.
Ticker-Taping Timebomb
Time bomb dynamite is just colorful confetti bomb. Roll credits.
General McWishy-Washy
No, I won't do it. Oh, it's the seed. OK, I'll do it.
Baloney!
That's a Deus Ex Machina? Oh, baloney!
Another Shrew(e)d Move
Shrew kills Bradford.
Monstering Out at the Church
Langdon turns into some kind of WEREWOLF and eats the guy's entrails. WTF?
Flannel Is the Height of Galactic Fashion!
The swamp alien.
Zeram Mark 3? Frisbee? Turkey?
Zeram mark 3, again.
One Part BEM, Two Parts Gill Man, Three Parts Willful Suspension of Disbelief
Brenda ("Mrs West") fights the Doctor.
The Science of the Soul
Electro-magnetic energy aligns your life energy, thus healing your soul.
Condensity? Just how condense do you think I am?
Nuclear fission on a negative condensity, and also perpetual motion.
Crocs, Fish, People, Whatever.
The Doctor is reverting crocs back up the evolutionary path to fish....
Some Say Abortion Is Murder, I Say Not Aborting Is Suicide
Doc: "What's inside your womb is dead. It isn't a human being. It'll drag you down and it'll kill you."
Leslie: "I'm keeping my parasite--er, baby!"
Leslie: "I'm keeping my parasite--er, baby!"
"A What?!"
The earth is hollow and cooler on the inside and they'll get there in a mumblemumble.
Was that "Death" or "Deth"?
"Did you know that being an asshole is the leading
cause of death in men and women?"
Highly expedient.
"Do you expect me to believe this horse shit?"
"It would be highly expedient if you would believe this horse shit."
"It would be highly expedient if you would believe this horse shit."
Ah, the Dignity of Theatre
"What's in a name? - William Shakespeare"
"Fuck you - David Mamet"
"Fuck you - David Mamet"
You Just Don't Listen to What Comes out of Your Own Mouth, Do You?
"He [your father] is the villain of the piece and you're the hero."
"Quite the contrary!"
"Quite the contrary!"
Fools Are a Dime a Dozen, Though
"Foolproof plans are hard to come by, son!"
[This category was retired after 2017]
It's #1! It's #1!
Featuring Chuck Norris' former workout partner!
Because the Name Some Guys Fight Was Already Taken
Power-hungry eunuch Wang, Bureau of Informatio.
If you're a Kraut, he'll take you out!
Cover is goofy (excessively cheesy).
Sir Not Appearing In This Film
Front cover actors not in movie.
Roger Corman Presents a Roger Corman Film Not Starring Roger Corman...
Only 25 words on the back cover descred this movie, the rest were about Roger Corman....
That's Why He's the Master
Kill swordmaster, slice him up, kick him through wall, smash him into vase, onto desk, and then jump on him. Then blow up the building, just to be sure.
His Evening's Just Shot
The killer is escaping from the hotel. He rounds a corner, and unexpectedly discovers about half a dozen plainclothes cops. With guns. Oh well.
Getting the Living Crap Beaten into Him
"Boom-Boom" gets smacked down seventeen different ways.
Rockseia Socks Off
Death of Rockseia (stabbed, out window, falls, explodes).
A-bomb-in-a-bull!
The bad guy lets an angry bull loose into a maze with our hero. There's a lot of running in circles, until....
"It's Jack. He's Dead."
"It's Jack. He's dead."
You mean that charred hunk of ex-flesh? No shit.
You mean that charred hunk of ex-flesh? No shit.
Enjoy Your Parting Gift...
"They must be down here!" Yup. They are.
Something Must Have Happened!
"He seems upset." No shit.
Recurring Stupidity
"Have I ever told you about this reoccurring [sic] dream I have?"
"You've had this more than once?"
"You've had this more than once?"
Bob, World's Wrongest Computer
"I checked and double-checked my figures ... nothing can go wrong."
"Thank You."
"Thank you" chick dubbing cue missed.
Terrorists are just as bad with their geography as Americans are.
US/Canadian border at Dunes Beach, IN.
Vampire Ventriloquism?
He says "You have lovely hair." She says, "Yes, I was a photographer's model." But neither move their lips.
Now That's a Horse of a Different Color
Horse switchyroo.
Can't Keep a Good Tattoo Down
The tattoo moves from one side of bad guy's head to the other.
My Reluctant Girlfriend Style Will Defeat You!
He uses his girlfriend as an unwilling weapon!
World's Stupidest Execution Device and Nuclear Deathtrap
"Carry out the execution! Well? Go ahead!" Who built this place??
They're Making a Corno
Corn seduction.
Pissed-Off Kitten Kung Fu
Bruce Le demonstrates Pissed-Off-Kitten Fu.
The Charge of the Stock Footage Brigade
Stock footage!
Did Simon Say?
"You have my permission to open it," where it is a Top Secret crate with thrashing/pounding noises coming from inside.
Make Me a Vampire!
The pretty doctoral student begs the evil vampire to turn her into one. With predictable results.
First Name Jack, Last Name Ass
Jack breaks quarantine for no good reason, then tells the gun-toting guy that he "ain't got the guts" to shoot him.
"Hey, I've Got a Really Gooed Idea!"
Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's poke the goo in the alien pod!
I Think He Gets the Point
"Shoo" away the goblins menacing your new lady friend.
And in This Corner, Wearing No Trunks at All...
They do it on every piece of gym equipment there is. Especially the rowing machine.
Girls with Guns: I Bought That Calendar Once
Bathing chicks (with guns).
Intense Nudity
Our hero heroically sneaks past... a tent full of naked women.
Whew! Good thing THEY didn't catch him!
"Let's Look at You, Penny."
"Let's look at you, Penny."
It's a Perk. Or at Least They're Perky.
Deputy sleazeball takes time out from chasing the monsters to
spy on a skinny-dipper.
The French Call It "The Mother Sauce"
"YUMMY! MOM IS SO GOOD" -- so they eat her.
The Ending Ticks Me Off!
"I haven't been infected! I'm alive!"
Bang!
Ticktickticktickticktickticktick....
Bang!
Ticktickticktickticktickticktick....
Now You're Number One on the Street
Fisk kills Ingo. Then goes batfuck nuts and smashes a mirror.
Yes, Please! Stop the Pain! Stop the Pain!
I guess the whole movie was the Devil's trick in the last 13 seconds of Davis' life. And now he's going to Hell.
The End Or Is It?
The hero fights and kills the vampire. He stares stupidly at the camera as we see: THE END OR IS IT?
A Crabbe-y Performance
Buster Crabbe as Sheriff Kowalski.
"I Tawt I Taw Wucifer! I Did! I Did Taw Wucifer!"
"Someone is twying to weach me!" (Faith Clift as Dr Hansen)
Sarah Jane (Cleo O'Hara) and Penny (Sandra Henderson)
Acting again, Sarah Jane & Penny are both terrible!
Michael Manasseri as Packard Walsh
Packard Walsh is a bottom-feeding maggot, and Bo Derek is going to kick the crap out of him for bringing down the movie with his Scarlet O'Hara accent.
It All Makes Sense Now! Wait, No It Doesn't.
It seems half the cast is on drugs (especially Sarah Corbin as Talia). And the cryptic statements fly.
The Rain on the Plane Stays--OH MY GOD, LOOK AWAY! LOOK AWAY!
Good Wet Buffalo shot of Starman. From the "Dialogue Not in Film But Should Have Been" Dept.: "Mommy! I just saw a man on the wing!" "Are you sure it was a man?" "Oh yes. Very sure."
Sidetrack Snaps and There's a "Fight"
There is a folding chair involved.
Open Heart Surgery
She runs over the Devil, cuts out his heart, and stuffs it in the microwave. Unfortunately, he wins anyway.
Zombies and Bluegrass
A young couple is driving down the road, and their car breaks down. They're listening to a bluegrass station. Then zombies attack!
"You Can't Piss on Hospitality!"
Joshua comes up with a way to keep his family from eating Nilbog food.