Ninjas versus Ninjas versus Vampires...Or Something
Ninjas versus ninjas versus vampires. Or something.
The Great Experiment
Mother Nature and Father Time did an experiment 10,000 years ago by placing hot chicks with ugly guys and vice-versa.
Tactical Education Units
Battledroids become Tactical Education Units which will be teachers.
Amazing Cat-Like Powers
Scratched by a radioactive cat!
"If God Didn't Make You, Pinwheel Did"
Take out your corporate rivals with an
exploding sex droid.
I've Heard of Academic Freedoms, But This Is Ridiculous
I've heard of academic freedoms, but this is ridiculous!
Oh, Those Cyborgs!
"Keep your eyes open." Or not.
Guard! Bonk!
The barbarian and his girlfriend stealthily
escape from jail past the hyper-alert guard.
Ninjas: Men of Missed-Tree
If only Mister Miyagi had seen this. Why does he not realize that he's being stalked by a tree?
Waiting for God-ot
There are these two Ape Men "sneaking" up on her from the cover of ... well, they crouch down slightly....
Dad Always Was a Little Off
"Human beings are animals" speech.
It May Be Shakespeare, But It Ain't Shakespeare
He greets his potential captives with a knife and a
completely incomprehensible bout of Shakespeare.
This Movie Is True. Except the False Bits.
The disclaimer (it's true except what's not).
Conversations in the Kitchen
Igor goes into this bizarre speech. "You want a cookie with your milk?" Huh???
"Threats Are Only Words."
"Threats are only words, but what must happen is almost here and nothing can change it. But you have nothing to fear."
Vengeance of the Space Chimps
Sea Monkeys! Okay, alien embryo Sea Monkeys, but hey.
Dummy in Drag
You dummy!
Crash of the Toy Helicopter
The crash of the toy helicopter.
A Roper, Not a Doper
Plesiosaur attacks girl in raft.
Fake Heads Were On Sale That Week.
Good shot from several angles of the fake head.
Meaner--and More Vindictive--Than a Junkyard Dog
Larry taunts the supersoldier dog,
then gets Omega Copped by it.
There's something you don't see every day.
There's something you don't see every day. In a failed assassination attempt, the bad guys drop a pig from a high rise building onto some poor random pedestrian.
Death by Acupuncture
Death by acupuncture.
Thank Goodness He Didn't Ask for a "Severence Package"
The evil script kills Thorn. He's fired.
Wheeeee!
Wheeeee! (Chomp!)
The Golden Guy's Jewels
Dan is forced to fight a golden giant of a man. The giant staggers away and touches the tribe's sacred rock. BOOOOM! He explodes.
The Oldest Trick in the Book
After having his throat cut, the falling
guard's gun goes off and takes out his entire squad.
An Un-Urned Escape
Just when the evil zombie looks like it's about to get them, a short dumb prayer causes the zombie to disappear, as if God were saying "Yeah, yeah, whatever, let's just end this."
Of Course! It All Makes Sense Now!
What are the odds that one of the cops is a conspiracy nut?
Railing against Fate
The railing isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Coming out of the Closet
The space monster comes out of the closet.
The Mummy Gets Sh*tfaced
The mummy's true (fake) face.
Apttack of the Pterodactyls
Battle of the pterodactyls.
The Godawfulmonster of Indian Flats
The Godmonster of Indian Flats, itsownself.
Mushrooms! Mushrooms! (But No Badgers)
Mushrooms! Mushrooms! (But no Badgers.)
Genetics for Dummies, by Dummies
An enlightening lesson in genetics and hormones. Also, wrong.
Of Frogs, Ben Franklin, and Earthquake-Causing Dinos
A discussion of science: earthquakes, frogs, dinosaurs, and Ben Franklin.
The Harmonic Reinforcement of the House of The Rising Sun
The Harmonic Reinforcement of the House of The Rising Sun.
And I Get Lots of Anytime Minutes, Too!
"I can communicate through photosynthesis!"
There's a Hole in His Ozone Layering
There's a hole in his ozone layering.
I'll Lay You Ten to One...
Amazon #1: "Good breeding man."
Amazon #2: "I bet breeding with us would kill him."
Peter: "I'll take that bet."
Amazon #2: "I bet breeding with us would kill him."
Peter: "I'll take that bet."
A Public Service Announcement from Your Local Mad Science Council
"Next time, buckle up."
The only non-cliche in the entire movie!
The only non-cliche in the entire movie!
Caribbean Columbo on the Case
The Sheriff appears. "I have a system. Whenever I don't have a lead, I drink gin and wait."
O'Malley's Toady
Interrogation scene.
"Who sent you?"
"Your mother!"
"How much is she paying you?"
"Who sent you?"
"Your mother!"
"How much is she paying you?"
What If He's Not Breathing?
What if he's not breathing?
[This category was retired after 2017]
"The Film Jurassic Park Should Have Beaten"
Stills displaying just how cheesy the dinos look and
featuring characters from a different Carnosaur movie.
Truth in Advertising
Rank Video Services? Truth in advertising.
"The Murderous Criminal Syndicates! Fist Fly!"
The muderous criminal syndicates! Fist fly!
The Los Angeles Raiders? What the Heck?
The Corporate Raiders?
Night of the Sex-Crazed Blood Beast from a Different Movie
See the stuff on that cover? Never happened.
When Cheap Jet Fuel Replaced High-Priced Gas, Trouble Ensued
Exploding station wagon. What's in the tank? Jet fuel?
Bang. Bang Bang Bang.
Bang. Bang bang bang. Shoots the guy. He falls off the roof. Continues to shoot him as he falls.
Nothing But Net
When a dinosaur loves (to eat) a human very much.
He's a Sport-Hunter
The evil cyborg boss does not
take well to constructive criticism.
Exploding Van
People on fire are funny!
Maybe If You Got One Really Drunk...
"Pigs never just fall off of buildings."
Er, No You Can't
"We can take 'em!"
No, you can't.
No, you can't.
Thug, Meet No One
"There's no one left to save you now."
"I'm Going To the Old Movie Set Alone"
"I'll be all right in the Old Movie Set all alone."
A Meteorologist in the Making
Must be the rainy season.
Continentuity Error
"Shuttle is now passing over Canada," says a controller. Someone puts their finger on Italy on the map.
Stunted Growth
What do you mean you can't hire any stunt-boys?
FTL Bullets
Bullets faster than light?
What's the Opposite of Self-Repairing?
His armor is intact. Wait, now he's got
the Kirk rip!
Fights, Camera, Action!
Watch the mirror. Some mummy bitch-slaps, some choking, then there he is, clear as day: The cameraman!
Axe Murderer
But wait...it's not the soundtrack. There REALLY IS a (lousy) heavy metal band lurking in the woods.
Drive-Thru Helicopter Service
Drive-thru helicopter service!
Johnny Has a Flashback
A bizarre flashback, even for flashbacks. Amid smoke. And laughter. And weirdness.
The Dragon God Commands You To Boogie Down!
"The Dragon God is angry!" Let's dance!
The Gospel According to Charlie Sheen
They talk about the bible, then a stripper with a whip shows up.
The Cable Guy
Mysterious cable? Grab it!
ZZZZZAAARCH!
Come into My Office, Said the Queen Bee to the Fly
The Queen Bee asks our heroine to come to her office so she can explain everything. "You'll be safe; you're a woman."
Upping the Anti-
The teachers aren't just robots, they're repurposed battledroids. Terminate the program? Yeah, something's getting terminated....
"It's in Here with Us, Let's Keep Going"
"It's in here. Let's keep going."
I Wish They Would Stop Doing That
"It's OK, people just come here to commit suicide."
The Big Bang, Indeed
She's a big bang, all right. Better get lots of window cleaner!
The Lifecycle of the Bee Girl
Here we see, in exquisite detail, how a Bee Girl is built.
"Kidnapped?!" Boobies!
"Kidnapped?!" Boobies!
Decent Exposure
Topless punching bags ("I don't know if that's indecent
exposure or not, but I like it").
"I'm Coming!"
It's Anna Nicole Smith in the bath, fooling around solo. "I'm coming!"
Death by AOL!
Death by AOL!
"Oh My God"
All the heroes die.
What? The Sword Was Magic, Too?
More inane voice over.
And in the thirteenth moon of the 75th illumination ... what will WE do?
And in the thirteenth moon of the 75th illumination ... what will WE do?
The Butler DIDN'T Do It
Dean is still alive. He killed everyone else. Then...the REAL "surprise ending." Complete with incongruously goofy music.
Over-Enunciated Swear Words Are Always Funny
Overly-enunciated swear words are always funny.
Mickey O'Malley (Joe Estevez)
Mickey O'Malley (Joe Estevez) sends out the ninjas.
She's (point) Acting! (point) See?
She's (point) Acting! (point) See? Anna Nicole Smith as "Colette."
Your Acting Is Deadlier Than Either
Here, the General (Thomas Hal Phillips) really shines.
Hrant Alianak as the Chief Henchman
Hrant Alianak as the Chief Henchman ... doesn't like girls with limbps.
Why Can't Johnny Act?
Richard Davalos as Johnny. And the hate. And the HATE!
It's Like Drama, Only Slower
Oblivious attack followed by a bad sword fight.
"We Must Spread the Anti-Gospel"
We must spread the anti-gospel.
Is a Proper Ending Too Much To Hope For? Apparently So.
Fire fire fire. Stock footage. The end.
Mummiest Ending
Cue flamethrower. Nevermind about the hostage. FWOOOOSH! Mummy and Sylvia burn to a crisp. Roll credits. The End.
My Kind of Frog
"My kind of frog" song.